Pressing Pause

With no vacation in sight this summer, I have been thinking about what taking a break might look like and why after months of not working I really feel the need for one. I am sure I can’t be the only person with that question. I know that there are people, assuming they have not been closely impacted by the pandemic, who have found this time to be a peaceful and productive one. I am not one of them and have felt guilty about not been able to use this time effectively. It is only now, as I can begin to emerge a little, that the full impact of the upending of everything is becoming clear to me. I am thrilled at the prospect of being able to work again, but at the same time I feel even more strongly the need for a little self-care. It sounds like a contradiction, but in the midst of everything, I was too caught up in the stress of the situation to actively focus on the things that could have helped. There were many things I wanted to do, but somehow I couldn’t settle to any of them, despite having ample time. Instead I turned to things that didn’t require me to self-start, finding that I was only able to concentrate and get motivated when I was being given direction by someone else. As a result I began doing the same things every day that required little thought on my part, PE classes and singing lessons directed by a teacher, and by sticking with a rigid schedule. Now as those activities are winding down and some sense of normalcy is returning, I am feeling less anxious but a little depleted. On the other hand, I also feel ready to get to grips with those activities I have spent months wanting to do and yet avoiding!

I find it very interesting that as the possibility of working again becomes a reality, I feel more able to relax and focus than when I had all the time in the world to do so. I recognise that reflexology is such a grounding practice for me that it helps me to move forward with a sense of purpose – not knowing if I would be able to offer it again left me a little bereft, almost drifting and with a real loss of identity. Now the opportunity is there to practice again, if clients feel comfortable to resume of course, much of my restlessness is dissipating. It’s as if I lost myself for a while but am now finding my way again, with a new determination and, more importantly, the desire to get to grips with all the things I ‘should’ have been doing for months. Having more to do has given me back my anchor.

So I am going to take a break, a break to get things done, to become busier in fact, and I think that will be the ‘restful vacation’ I truly need. For the rest of the summer, I will be posting on my Facebook page but not writing blog posts, with a plan to revisit in the fall – we will see how that goes! In the meantime, I hope you can take a break, busy or otherwise, as this year we all need to find our own way to rest, perhaps more than ever before.